I've been blessed by this book, 'His Needs, Her Needs' that a dear friend gave me as a wedding present, and I would encourage all to read this book...it's for those who are serious about building a strong marriage relationship founded in strong commitment to love and cherish and to have and to hold each other...
Here's an excerpt of an article on "Basic Concept of Falling in Love, Staying in Love" taken from Dr Harley's website -
....When you are in love, your emotions help you meet each other's emotional needs. They provide instincts that you may not have even known you have -- instincts to be affectionate, sexual, conversational, recreational, honest and admiring. These all seem to come naturally when you are in love....
Click here for the full article
Monday, November 06, 2006
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Top 12 Parenting Tips
by Dr Sal Severe
Parenting requires countless sacrifices and continuous hard work, but the rewards are plenty. To be successful parents, Dr. Sal offers these tips:
1) Welcome change in yourself and your children. See change as positive. Seek self-improvement.
2) Possess good judgment. Know the difference between mischief and misconduct.
3) Have a sense of humor about raising children.
4) Believe that discipline is a teaching process. It is not simply punishment. Discipline is everything you do to teach children to be responsible and think for themselves.
5) Focus on the positive attitudes and behavior in their children. Call attention to positive qualities.
6) Use self-esteem as motivation. "You made a good choice. You should be proud of yourself!"
7) Behave yourself . Provide good example by being responsible, not perfect.
8) Behave consistently. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Follow through. Do not give in to misbehavior demands.
9) Behave proactively. Anticipate problems and plan to avoid them.
10) Use punishments that teach better decision-making.
11) Stay calm when your button is being pushed. Understand that anger gets in the way and makes conflicts worse.
12) Have patience for the time it takes to see change in yourself and your children.
Parenting requires countless sacrifices and continuous hard work, but the rewards are plenty. To be successful parents, Dr. Sal offers these tips:
1) Welcome change in yourself and your children. See change as positive. Seek self-improvement.
2) Possess good judgment. Know the difference between mischief and misconduct.
3) Have a sense of humor about raising children.
4) Believe that discipline is a teaching process. It is not simply punishment. Discipline is everything you do to teach children to be responsible and think for themselves.
5) Focus on the positive attitudes and behavior in their children. Call attention to positive qualities.
6) Use self-esteem as motivation. "You made a good choice. You should be proud of yourself!"
7) Behave yourself . Provide good example by being responsible, not perfect.
8) Behave consistently. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Follow through. Do not give in to misbehavior demands.
9) Behave proactively. Anticipate problems and plan to avoid them.
10) Use punishments that teach better decision-making.
11) Stay calm when your button is being pushed. Understand that anger gets in the way and makes conflicts worse.
12) Have patience for the time it takes to see change in yourself and your children.
Monday, September 11, 2006
How To Behave So Your Children Will Too
Was introduced to this book a couple of weeks ago, and after thumbing through it briefly, I could clearly say this is a very good book on parenting to consider for your library collection.
My husband was all praises of this book after he's started reading it...almost after every page, he'll exclaim that it's an excellent book... *grin*
Here's some info on the book and the author of the book...take a look...
These books were written by Dr. Sal Severe for parents or anyone who works with children and families. The entertaining stories and practical ideas were gathered from the author's 26 years experience working as a school psychologist and teaching parenting classes to 40,000+ parents.
The examples put parents at ease and empower them with specific, positive strategies to replace their own behavior with patterns that produce more cooperative behavior in their children. It explains how to be consistent, manage anger, prevent arguments and power struggles and how to teach children to listen -- the first time! It is rich with sensible and useful activities for parent and teacher training, counseling and consultation.
A Few of the Topics in How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too! Include:
- How Children Learn To Misbehave
- How Successful Parents Behave
- Changing Your Behavior: Where to Begin
- Incentives for Children
- What Happens When You Do Not Follow Through
- The Difference Between Threats and Warnings
- Whining, Teasing and Tantrums
- How to Cope with Anger, Stress and Guilt
- How To Punish Your Children Without Punishing Yourself
- Correcting Misbehavior With Time-Out
- Why You Can't Win a Power Struggle
- Reducing Attention Seeking
- How to Ignore - When to Ignore
- Resolving Conflicts Between Siblings
- Responsibility, Chores and Allowance
- How To Enjoy Being A Parent
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Tending To Your Partner's Emotional Needs
Marriages are made in heaven they say, but eventually, every marriage has to come down to earth. The honeymoon "orbits" gradually decrease in passion and intensity, due to other priorities that demand our attention. More so, when the bundle of joy arrives!
Loving glances are gradually replaced by frowns, the stars in your eyes do not shine so brightly anymore, and your attempts at intimate conversation are punctuated by wails from the little intruder. You discover, as almost every married couple before you have discovered, that the feeling called "romantic love" has to be nurtured by a continuous process of meeting each other's emotional needs.
What is an emotional need? It is a deep desire within you that, when satisfied, gives you a feeling of extreme happiness and contentment. If this desire is unsatisfied, it leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. This means that when a husband and wife meet each other's most important emotional needs, they will experience passionate love, and stay in love as long as these emotional needs are met.
But, each of us has different emotional needs, and even if both spouses have the same emotional needs, their priorities for each emotional need may be different. For instance, let's say that "love and romance" for one partner means "sex and recreation"; for the other, it's "affection and intimate conversation". Now, if such a pair would spend a recreational evening together, show intense affection, with deep, intimate conversation, it would naturally lead to sexual fulfillment. The result? Passionate love, since the most important emotional needs of both are fully met!
You, and your spouse, fell in love with each other because you both met some of each other's most important emotional needs, and the only way to stay in love, long after the honeymoon is over, is to keep meeting these emotional needs.
So, the first step for you, and your spouse, is to identify what your most important emotional needs are - those that will make you the happiest and most contented. What you would like your spouse to do or not do, that would give you the greatest happiness?
Once you've both identified your most important emotional needs, the rest is making sure that these needs are regularly and adequately met.
(Excerpt from Slice of Life)
Loving glances are gradually replaced by frowns, the stars in your eyes do not shine so brightly anymore, and your attempts at intimate conversation are punctuated by wails from the little intruder. You discover, as almost every married couple before you have discovered, that the feeling called "romantic love" has to be nurtured by a continuous process of meeting each other's emotional needs.
What is an emotional need? It is a deep desire within you that, when satisfied, gives you a feeling of extreme happiness and contentment. If this desire is unsatisfied, it leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. This means that when a husband and wife meet each other's most important emotional needs, they will experience passionate love, and stay in love as long as these emotional needs are met.
But, each of us has different emotional needs, and even if both spouses have the same emotional needs, their priorities for each emotional need may be different. For instance, let's say that "love and romance" for one partner means "sex and recreation"; for the other, it's "affection and intimate conversation". Now, if such a pair would spend a recreational evening together, show intense affection, with deep, intimate conversation, it would naturally lead to sexual fulfillment. The result? Passionate love, since the most important emotional needs of both are fully met!
You, and your spouse, fell in love with each other because you both met some of each other's most important emotional needs, and the only way to stay in love, long after the honeymoon is over, is to keep meeting these emotional needs.
So, the first step for you, and your spouse, is to identify what your most important emotional needs are - those that will make you the happiest and most contented. What you would like your spouse to do or not do, that would give you the greatest happiness?
Once you've both identified your most important emotional needs, the rest is making sure that these needs are regularly and adequately met.
(Excerpt from Slice of Life)
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Raising Thinking Children
Do you find that you have to constantly tell your child what to do? Brush your teeth, clear up your toys, make your bed, finish your homework, put on your shoes, walk on the pavement, don't watch TV too close to the screen and so on? The list can be endless especially if you have a very young child.
As parents, it's natural to feel that we have a duty to instruct our kids, to tell them what they should or shouldn't do. But when we adopt an approach of always commanding our children, they can very often become stubborn or rebellious. Excessive commands can lose their efficacy. Worse still, we're teaching them to always follow orders and never to think for themselves, which can lead to poor self-esteem and inability to make decisions later on in life.
This is not to say however that parents shouldn't guide their children. Just don't keep holding their hand or bringing out the cane. Why not try a different approach?
If you're sick of always playing the discipline master, stop demanding. Try asking your children questions instead. We often underestimate young children's ability to analyse situations and make sensible decisions on their own. So instead of saying "Brush your teeth now!", try asking "What do you need to do before having breakfast?"
Asking children questions gives them the opportunity to think for themselves and come logically to an answer. You can help them along by pointing out the benefits of that particular action, but let them discover the conclusion themselves - "What do you need to do after dinner?", "What do you need to do before we can go out?" Before you head to the zoo, ask "Do you have everything you need?" The child quickly learns responsibility and the value of planning ahead, and is more likely to internalize this kind of behaviour because he feels that he has made the decision himself.
Of course there will be times when only a no-nonsense direct command will do. But there is often another way. And if you use the "questioning", "gently guiding" approach consistently, you'll find that over time, you don't even need to remind your child anymore.
(exerpt from "A Slice of Life")
As parents, it's natural to feel that we have a duty to instruct our kids, to tell them what they should or shouldn't do. But when we adopt an approach of always commanding our children, they can very often become stubborn or rebellious. Excessive commands can lose their efficacy. Worse still, we're teaching them to always follow orders and never to think for themselves, which can lead to poor self-esteem and inability to make decisions later on in life.
This is not to say however that parents shouldn't guide their children. Just don't keep holding their hand or bringing out the cane. Why not try a different approach?
If you're sick of always playing the discipline master, stop demanding. Try asking your children questions instead. We often underestimate young children's ability to analyse situations and make sensible decisions on their own. So instead of saying "Brush your teeth now!", try asking "What do you need to do before having breakfast?"
Asking children questions gives them the opportunity to think for themselves and come logically to an answer. You can help them along by pointing out the benefits of that particular action, but let them discover the conclusion themselves - "What do you need to do after dinner?", "What do you need to do before we can go out?" Before you head to the zoo, ask "Do you have everything you need?" The child quickly learns responsibility and the value of planning ahead, and is more likely to internalize this kind of behaviour because he feels that he has made the decision himself.
Of course there will be times when only a no-nonsense direct command will do. But there is often another way. And if you use the "questioning", "gently guiding" approach consistently, you'll find that over time, you don't even need to remind your child anymore.
(exerpt from "A Slice of Life")
Friday, June 16, 2006
We Are Parents?
It has never occur to me that I’d become a parent so quickly. Before we were married, Steven and I have discussed quite extensively about whether to have children. While we were still on the topic with no conclusion, we became pregnant almost quite quickly after our wedding.
The day I suspected that I was pregnant, Steven, was still secretly hoping that it was only my suspicion and he’d prayed that it wasn’t real. I guess, God has His own plans about us.
While I was elated about being pregnant, I’m also at the same time a bit lost as to what to expect because becoming a parent would mean that God has trusted me enough to put a child in my hands to care for. It wasn’t long that the realization of a huge responsibility of caring for another human being dawn on me. Not long after, all the self-doubting questions flooded my mind - I’ve asked myself many, many times, am I really prepared for this new role? Do I know what I’m getting myself into? Will I be a good mother? And the list goes on…
Sometimes, we won’t really know what to expect or how to react until we are really put into the situation. We just have to hold onto our faith that God has entrusted us with a huge task, but He has also worked out the plans for us… whatever that will happen He knows and He will provide and guide us accordingly…we just have to take it one step at a time…
The day I suspected that I was pregnant, Steven, was still secretly hoping that it was only my suspicion and he’d prayed that it wasn’t real. I guess, God has His own plans about us.
While I was elated about being pregnant, I’m also at the same time a bit lost as to what to expect because becoming a parent would mean that God has trusted me enough to put a child in my hands to care for. It wasn’t long that the realization of a huge responsibility of caring for another human being dawn on me. Not long after, all the self-doubting questions flooded my mind - I’ve asked myself many, many times, am I really prepared for this new role? Do I know what I’m getting myself into? Will I be a good mother? And the list goes on…
Sometimes, we won’t really know what to expect or how to react until we are really put into the situation. We just have to hold onto our faith that God has entrusted us with a huge task, but He has also worked out the plans for us… whatever that will happen He knows and He will provide and guide us accordingly…we just have to take it one step at a time…
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Say Hi!
Hello this is Steven and Pauline. We are passionate on issues related to marriage and parenting. This blog is set up purely for the love of sharing what we've learnt and experienced through our journey in marriage and parenthood.
We welcome your visiting this blog often... hopefully we'll be able to share and learn together in our walk along this interesting path of marriage and parenthood.
God Bless!
Steven & Pauline
We welcome your visiting this blog often... hopefully we'll be able to share and learn together in our walk along this interesting path of marriage and parenthood.
God Bless!
Steven & Pauline
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