by Dr Sal Severe
Parenting requires countless sacrifices and continuous hard work, but the rewards are plenty. To be successful parents, Dr. Sal offers these tips:
1) Welcome change in yourself and your children. See change as positive. Seek self-improvement.
2) Possess good judgment. Know the difference between mischief and misconduct.
3) Have a sense of humor about raising children.
4) Believe that discipline is a teaching process. It is not simply punishment. Discipline is everything you do to teach children to be responsible and think for themselves.
5) Focus on the positive attitudes and behavior in their children. Call attention to positive qualities.
6) Use self-esteem as motivation. "You made a good choice. You should be proud of yourself!"
7) Behave yourself . Provide good example by being responsible, not perfect.
8) Behave consistently. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Follow through. Do not give in to misbehavior demands.
9) Behave proactively. Anticipate problems and plan to avoid them.
10) Use punishments that teach better decision-making.
11) Stay calm when your button is being pushed. Understand that anger gets in the way and makes conflicts worse.
12) Have patience for the time it takes to see change in yourself and your children.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Raising Thinking Children
Do you find that you have to constantly tell your child what to do? Brush your teeth, clear up your toys, make your bed, finish your homework, put on your shoes, walk on the pavement, don't watch TV too close to the screen and so on? The list can be endless especially if you have a very young child.
As parents, it's natural to feel that we have a duty to instruct our kids, to tell them what they should or shouldn't do. But when we adopt an approach of always commanding our children, they can very often become stubborn or rebellious. Excessive commands can lose their efficacy. Worse still, we're teaching them to always follow orders and never to think for themselves, which can lead to poor self-esteem and inability to make decisions later on in life.
This is not to say however that parents shouldn't guide their children. Just don't keep holding their hand or bringing out the cane. Why not try a different approach?
If you're sick of always playing the discipline master, stop demanding. Try asking your children questions instead. We often underestimate young children's ability to analyse situations and make sensible decisions on their own. So instead of saying "Brush your teeth now!", try asking "What do you need to do before having breakfast?"
Asking children questions gives them the opportunity to think for themselves and come logically to an answer. You can help them along by pointing out the benefits of that particular action, but let them discover the conclusion themselves - "What do you need to do after dinner?", "What do you need to do before we can go out?" Before you head to the zoo, ask "Do you have everything you need?" The child quickly learns responsibility and the value of planning ahead, and is more likely to internalize this kind of behaviour because he feels that he has made the decision himself.
Of course there will be times when only a no-nonsense direct command will do. But there is often another way. And if you use the "questioning", "gently guiding" approach consistently, you'll find that over time, you don't even need to remind your child anymore.
(exerpt from "A Slice of Life")
As parents, it's natural to feel that we have a duty to instruct our kids, to tell them what they should or shouldn't do. But when we adopt an approach of always commanding our children, they can very often become stubborn or rebellious. Excessive commands can lose their efficacy. Worse still, we're teaching them to always follow orders and never to think for themselves, which can lead to poor self-esteem and inability to make decisions later on in life.
This is not to say however that parents shouldn't guide their children. Just don't keep holding their hand or bringing out the cane. Why not try a different approach?
If you're sick of always playing the discipline master, stop demanding. Try asking your children questions instead. We often underestimate young children's ability to analyse situations and make sensible decisions on their own. So instead of saying "Brush your teeth now!", try asking "What do you need to do before having breakfast?"
Asking children questions gives them the opportunity to think for themselves and come logically to an answer. You can help them along by pointing out the benefits of that particular action, but let them discover the conclusion themselves - "What do you need to do after dinner?", "What do you need to do before we can go out?" Before you head to the zoo, ask "Do you have everything you need?" The child quickly learns responsibility and the value of planning ahead, and is more likely to internalize this kind of behaviour because he feels that he has made the decision himself.
Of course there will be times when only a no-nonsense direct command will do. But there is often another way. And if you use the "questioning", "gently guiding" approach consistently, you'll find that over time, you don't even need to remind your child anymore.
(exerpt from "A Slice of Life")
Friday, June 16, 2006
We Are Parents?
It has never occur to me that I’d become a parent so quickly. Before we were married, Steven and I have discussed quite extensively about whether to have children. While we were still on the topic with no conclusion, we became pregnant almost quite quickly after our wedding.
The day I suspected that I was pregnant, Steven, was still secretly hoping that it was only my suspicion and he’d prayed that it wasn’t real. I guess, God has His own plans about us.
While I was elated about being pregnant, I’m also at the same time a bit lost as to what to expect because becoming a parent would mean that God has trusted me enough to put a child in my hands to care for. It wasn’t long that the realization of a huge responsibility of caring for another human being dawn on me. Not long after, all the self-doubting questions flooded my mind - I’ve asked myself many, many times, am I really prepared for this new role? Do I know what I’m getting myself into? Will I be a good mother? And the list goes on…
Sometimes, we won’t really know what to expect or how to react until we are really put into the situation. We just have to hold onto our faith that God has entrusted us with a huge task, but He has also worked out the plans for us… whatever that will happen He knows and He will provide and guide us accordingly…we just have to take it one step at a time…
The day I suspected that I was pregnant, Steven, was still secretly hoping that it was only my suspicion and he’d prayed that it wasn’t real. I guess, God has His own plans about us.
While I was elated about being pregnant, I’m also at the same time a bit lost as to what to expect because becoming a parent would mean that God has trusted me enough to put a child in my hands to care for. It wasn’t long that the realization of a huge responsibility of caring for another human being dawn on me. Not long after, all the self-doubting questions flooded my mind - I’ve asked myself many, many times, am I really prepared for this new role? Do I know what I’m getting myself into? Will I be a good mother? And the list goes on…
Sometimes, we won’t really know what to expect or how to react until we are really put into the situation. We just have to hold onto our faith that God has entrusted us with a huge task, but He has also worked out the plans for us… whatever that will happen He knows and He will provide and guide us accordingly…we just have to take it one step at a time…
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